wakey wakey hands off snakey
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
