i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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