halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
