brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
time to smoke my breakfast
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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