Redeem this text for a blowjob
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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