If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
