two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
