Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
