Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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