Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
