Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
