I have demons in me.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize