Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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