can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize