My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I believe in your delicious
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
