sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
