Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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