I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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