Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
