She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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