I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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