You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize