Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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