went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
