Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So squirting runs in the family.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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