This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
