I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
