People with herpes should wear stickers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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