I just pynch a tree in the face
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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