I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize