areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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