Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize