i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
