Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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