This dress was meant to end up on your floor
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
