you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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