wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
