I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
