You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
