3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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