You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
