the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
