Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
