The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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