i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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