3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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