The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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