I'm so fucking centered right now
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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