my vag is so smooth its legendary
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
