woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
