u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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