and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
