Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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