Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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