im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
