Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
