"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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