I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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