How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
