I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I CAN MOONWALK!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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