She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
