so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
