Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
