There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
