I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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