if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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