So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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